About 11 months ago, on a thrusday morning..
I received an emergency phone call from my husband Srini who was then in India and the new was: the doctors stated my mother-in-laws as critical and that she may survive just few more days. Knew about her failing health, but the news trembled me to the core. I was all alone in the house and tried hard to keep myself composed. Quickly communicated to my Manager at work, booked my ticket, packed my stuff and took the flight to India. About 20 hours of flight journey before I could see her. I was going to face one of the most crucial situations in my life and I was quietly praying and preparing my mind to deal with it as my mind went back in time..
Ever since I was married.. She became one of the important persons in my life and had a significant impact on me. She carried herself with great dignity and respect and had a tough exterior and demeanor. She infact looked like a Commander in chief. Yet she also had a very soft and delicate side too which touched me the most. I shared a great relationship with her. Ofcourse, we both had our own little set backs and there were a few times when we have upset each other over silly issues, but we always made up very quickly and never ever carried grudges against each other.
One common thing that bound us the most is the deep love and faith in God which we both shared. I have beautiful memories with her, be it visiting temples, doing Bajans, pooja or Satsang. She sang beautifully and loved cooking food and serving. Not merely to the family, but to friends and neighbors as well we and to the servants and strangers too. She is known for her culinary skills and feeding hand. Though she didn’t even complete metriculation, she knew the value of good education and so despite of staying in a village, sent all the three children to the boarding schools and ensured they are all well educated and settled. We know a little but only God knows how much she prayed and fasted for the well being of all her children.
Everything was going on well until she was diagnosed with cancer few years ago. She fought it bravely and survived, but the long term impacts of it took a toll on her later and the beginning of 2018 her health started failing again and the strenous treatment was very hard on her. During this time Srini and I took some time off from work and spent with her taking care of her and we thank God from the bottom of our hearts for such an opportunity. Our prior generations took care of their parents for years together, but most of our generation thinly spread across and staying far away from parents and with tied up commitments, find it hard to strike this balance and consider any little quality time with them as a blessing. During last visit when Srini post-phoned his journey and took a long family medical leave from work to be by the side of his mother, in the face of fatal illness, she had the strength and dignity to say ‘Please think about your career and future too and make the right decision.’ She always had more regard for the future of her children than her own needs. Parents are Great and Precious!!
As the flight landed in Hyderabad airport, I came back to the present and collected myself to face the situation, a crucial one. It was late in the night when I reached and it was not until next day that I could visit her in the ICU ward. Her blood counts have dived deep down and with her critical heart condition, she was just surviving.
As I walked into ICU along with my sister in law, she was conscious and was able to speak to us, But she was in a completely different state and spoke about people and things that didn’t exist there and suddenly would speak normally as if fully conscious. Her skin was bruised from all the IV needles and treatment that she was undergoing.. Wearing the hospital gown, her hair tied up in two little knots on two sides.. with a guileless face.. she looked like an innocent little girl.
We stood next to her and listened to her as she spoke. My sister in law suddenly asked her.. ‘Mom.. you know the situation.. what if something unwanted happens to you?’ Instantly she replied ‘What else can we ask for.. you should all be happy and not sad. Now that I have seen you all.. My only worry is that I may have to suffer longer in this body..’ My sis in law could not hold back her tears any more..
That evening she was moved from ICU to Palliative care where she was given only pain medication. It was huge corner room on a top floor with huge glass windows facing necklace road and Birla temple. Felt more like a luxury hotel room than a regular hospital room. All the relatives by then knew that she was not going to be around for too long and so kept visiting her. Though partly in a delirious state, she still recognised them. Talked and even joked with them. With a smiling face she touched and blessed the grand children too.
Her condition was changing drastically and next day when I visited her, she was in a transe like state.. Her eyes closed all the time and chanting God’s name.. ‘Jai Sreemannarayana.. Sri Ranga.. Sri Hari..’ and recited lines from BagavadGita and VishnuSahasraNama. She would raise her hand, point and say that she could see a bright lamp there (in her vision) and would talk to the invisible God.. ‘Ranga.. why are you still testing me? and then in few moments she would answer her own question.. ‘bcos I still have some Anubandha (karmic relation) here’. For proper support, When her two sons gently held her shoulders and back moved her up on the bed, she would chant out loudly ‘Jai SreeRam..’ all of us in the room would repeat it aloud along with her. It was a great spiritual experience for everyone of us there during those moments.
We all get lost in this worldly affairs and forget our connection with the source of our creation, the Divine force that runs this entire Universe. As human beings, being aware and conscious of this greatest force as much as we can even as we carry on our mundane activities and mould our thoughts, words and speech to be in alignment with it as much as possible is the greatest virtue we can embody. And it is said that especially during the time of leaving this body, whatever our mind is pre-occupied with, will define the quality of our next life. So it is important to clear our mind of all the anxieties and attachments and fixate on the Divine to set ourselves free. As my mother in law was moving in and out of hospitals and was in pain during her last days, was concerned about her, But it was magical that she suddenly stopped worrying about her life and pain and focused on the Divine. It is her long spiritual practice that made it easy for this transition.
Next morning when I was in meditation, I had a deep urge that I had to stay back with her in the hospital that night, knowing that she may leave us anytime now. So as the remaining family members left from the hospital that night, I stayed back along with my sister in law. My mother in law was not speaking anymore, she looked as if in a deep sleep and the only movement we could see in her body was her deep breath. Late in the night, we were still awake and checking on her.. I sat close to her and chanted with devotion..’Rama Hare..Rama Hare.. Rama Rama Hare Hare..Krishna Hare.. Krishna Hare.. Krishna Krishna Hare..’ for a long time and As I was engrossed in it, loving memories with her came flashing in.. everything that she did for us.. and as her love and warmth touched my heart.. tears rolled down from my eyes and kept flooding my cheeks until all my pent up emotions were cleared.. I felt a sense of calm, got up and took a shower and dressed up in white and sat next to my sister in law.. we were recollecting our memories with her. As we looked at her, noticed that my mother in law’s breath was becoming slow and shallow gradually.. Once in every few moments we were glancing at her. Past midnight, around 1:10AM.. during early hours of thursday.. Her body seemed to have come to a stand still, we came closer to check on her.. no movement at all.. I held my hands together in prayer and kept chanting out.. ‘SaiBaba..SaiBaba..’and my sister in law was chanting ‘Sreemannarayana..’ and poured some Basil(Tulasi) water in her mouth, most of which came out. There was complete peace in that room.. It was very obvious that her soul left in peace.
I quickly informed to the nurse at front desk. The doctor came in, checked and confirmed that she was no more with us. We called the family members and informed.. the hospital staff was making the final preparations and formalities.. The sons broke down looking at their still mother, but they had to quickly stabilize themselves to handle the tasks ahead. My father in law cried like a little child, losing his companion of 50 years, having lived together as one soul in happiness and hardship.
Before dawn, several cars filled with the family members started off from Hyderabad to our small town where my in laws lived for most of their life. An ambulance was carrying my mother in law accompanied by her sons and nephews. I sat in the same vehicle as that of my father in law. All through the drive, he was on phone calls. One moment, he would break down into tears talking to a family member and the next moment, he would be busy giving instructions to someone about the arrangements to be made for her last rites.
We finally arrived the destination after 4 hours of drive.. There were already hundreds of people gathered in and around the home.. And there was an uproar of emotions as we walked in.. Family members rushed towards us and held us and cried out. Relatives from near and far away, neighbors, acquintances.. everyone was there to pay her the last respects.. A touching aspect of Indian culture.. even a stranger passing by stops by and sheds a tear. My mother in law looked as if in a deep eternal sleep. It was heart wrenching to see her brothers and sisters breaking down infront of her body and wailing like little children. Of all her siblings, she was the first one to leave this world.
Respecting her value for rituals, priests were invited to perform the last rites.. They chanted out mantras loud and clear and we were all spell bound by the power of the sound and the meaning of those lines. It felt like a grand farewell to her. She was given the final shower with turmeric water. Along with the rest, I bowed down and touched her feet with my fore head for the one last time with all my respect for her.
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Draped in a beautiful saree and adorned with the flowers she was placed on a piece of wooden plank, secured with the ropes. 4 family members on the four sides of the plank, lifted her up and carried her to the final destination amidst the rythmic Drum beats,
Her body to leave us to become one with this nature and one with the Lord Universe.
The following 12 days, as daughter in law, I had to clean the place where she was last laid to rest, light a lamp and offer food and water and I felt truly honored to do so for a great soul. As I sat there quietly in that place, felt a sense of deep connection with her, more evident than ever. Chanting, Vishnu Sahasranama and Purana Sravana followed in that place all through the 12 days and the 13th day marked the end of the ceremony indicating that the soul finally left to the heaven.
One day or the other.. we all get the call.. and we all take the same route..
We take nothing with us.. Neither the riches nor the wealth nor the fame..
What then matters is simply how well we lived our lives..
how kind and courteous we were,
the joy and the peace we reflected,
the love we shared, the service we rendered and
the Humility and integrity with which we conducted ourselves alone remain as champions in the hearts of our loved ones..
From Anu 