Meditation is something that I am always delighted to know more about and share about as it offered me so much in the last several years of my practice.
As a part of my exploration I’ve attended a 10 Vipassana course which was a very insightful and an electrifying inward journey and I am making an attempt to club my meditation experience in general and this 10 day venture together and share it. I know it very well that it is a herculean task and whatever I attempt to share is my consolidated experience, yet it is just a tiny speck of the vast concept of meditation.
Going back into my early twenties.. for the first time I gave a very serious thought to Meditation when I sensed an imbalance in my life and emotions due to my inability to cope with all the changes happening in my life during that stage.But the idea never made any progress as I had no resources to learn from or rely on.
Time moved on and so did I..
Married.. Moved to America.. had more time and opportunity to read and get to know about many things including meditation. But it was not until I hit a rock bottom phase in my life that I gave it a serious consideration again. I wanted to cling unto something to avoid being engulfed by the pain and torment my mind was trying to impose on me due to a series of life incidents which I was unable to cope up with and Meditation turned out to be an obvious choice then.
I Learned the very basics of meditation practice through the books of a renowned doctor and writer: Dr.Deepak Chopra.
Sitting in a quiet corner.. in lotus posture and palms intertwined..
with eyes closed and focusing on the process of breathing.. the inflow and outflow..
when my attention wanders away, bringing it back to my breath.
First few minutes is a bit of struggle.. between the thoughts and the breath.
But by consistently bringing back attention to breathing, thoughts eventually subside..
As it gets deeper and deeper..
Would go into a state of deep meditatitive state where my attention is neither on thoughts nor on breathing but merge with timeless infinity..
sometimes sense a subtle flow of energy inside my body..
By the end of meditation.. the noise of the thoughts completely subside..
and feel absolute joy in the quietness of mind and body which are totally relaxed and refreshed.
Do I get to this state every time I sit down to meditate?. Definetely ’No’..
On a day with too many distractions or a big turbulence in my mind, it is too difficult for me to focus on my breathing. So I change my approach and chant out a Mantra aloud(I call out the word ’Sai..Baba’). And it works… though the effect is not exactly the same, it is still similar in the way that it frees my mind of any negative emotion by breaking the thought pattern..
To list out some benefits:
My worry and anxiety levels have gone down drastically and my health improved.
Feel more grounded and more clarity in thought and decision making.
Life has become more disciplined and find more peace and joy in everything.
My goals, my strengths and setbacks are more obvious to me than ever before.
Notice more co-incidences in life offering solutions to my problems.
I was undoubtedly enjoying the practice of meditation and reaping its benefits..
But for sure knew that I haven’t reached a state of zero negativity. As soon as the impact of the meditation subside, some situations would still drive me to extremes of emotions like: anger, frustration or sadness and make me lose my balance which I would later regret and end up thinking.. May be like Buddha I have to go deep into a forest and meditate unceasingly to liberate myself and become fully enlightened..
Though fanciful, isn’t there a tiny Buddha inside all of us who pops out every now and then in the form of quest for truth and liberation??
The thought of Going for a long meditation retreat was always lingering in the back of my mind like a flickering flame.. And then all of a sudden I hear a fascinating account of 10 day Vippasana meditation experience from my husband’s cousin at a family gathering. 10 days of complete indulgence in meditation with no contact or communication with outside world. I was very excited and inspired by the story and made up my mind.
Started my search and quickly found and booked a 10 day course in a Vippasana meditation center, about two hours away from my home. An equally enthusiastic and exuberant friend of mine, booked for the same session along with me. My husband felt relieved knowing that I am not the only crazy one and I have a company.
Just to give some basics of Vippasana.. it is based on an ancient technique of meditation as practiced and taught by Gautama Buddha about 2500 years ago.
S.N.Goenka a Burmese Indian and a rich Business man, immensely inspired and benefited by the practice dedicated his entire life for the spread of Vippasana meditation. and this center is affiliated to him.They do not charge even a penny upfront. After the course is complete, you can contribute if you want to, based on your affordability and appreciation.
I took 10 days of leave from my work and with a great excitement eagerly looking forward to it.. for long blissful undisturbed meditation..
And finally the day arrived and we reached the retreat on a friday evening.
The management welcomed us warmly and provided us a delicious dinner where we got an opportunity to meet other students..they were from all age groups and from all ethnic backgrounds. After the dinner.. an elderly lady read out the rules of the 10 day course, which we were already aware of..
*10 days of complete silence.
*No eye contact, no gestures and no verbal or non-verbal communication with other students until day 10
*No contact with outside world for the next 10 days
*Be in the meditation hall during the stipulated hours of meditation
*No use of electronic media(we handed over our cell phones to them)
*No reading and no writing.
*No lying, no stealing
*If an urgent need arises, we can communicate just with two people either with the
Manager or the Meditation teacher.
After reading out the rules, the lady said if any of us think that we cannot abide by the rules, we still have the last chance to leave. All of us were excited and a bit anxious.. for no one knows what its going to be like.. yet we were all ready for the challenge. We chit chatted few more minutes before the official bell rang at 8pm and the course started.. there was silence everywhere. We quietly walked into our allocated dormitories.
As usual I wanted to brush my teeth before going to bed and realized that I didn’t get my tooth paste. I looked around but couldn’t ask anyone because I would break the rule of silence if I did so. I could quietly walk to my friend and pick up and use her tooth paste, but then it may become stealing and I may be breaking another rule. ’Oh My God..’ I thought.. ‘It’s not going to be easy…’ I brushed without paste that night and went to bed and felt much better next morning after I requested and got a new toothpaste from the Manager.
Early in the morning around 4:00AM, the Manager rings the bell at each dormitory.
We would get up and get ready quickly.. Covered with a warm sweater or a shawl and with a torch in our hands, would walk down through a patch of grass for about 5min to get to the meditation hall.. in complete silence..
There were about 80-90 students meditating in the hall.. men seated on one side and women on another side. Every one is allocated a seat in the the meditation hall and is supposed to stick to the same place through out the course. The meditation session begins in the morning around 4:30AM and ends at 9PM.. the last hour is spent in watching a Video lecture of S.N.Goenka. There were intermittent breaks for breakfast, lunch, dinner and additional time off to do our daily chores like cleaning and laundry. On the whole, we were sitting and meditating in the hall for about 7-10 hours/day, with out a back support, sitting on a small cushioned seat on the floor and by the end of the day, our bodies would be awfully aching and yearning for a support to lean on.. but wouldn’t get a chance until we go to the bed.
There were two meditation teachers in the hall.. a male and a female.. sitting right in front of us answering our questions and clarifying our doubts related to meditation on one on one basis. It was a very quiet procedure.. carried on at a scheduled time.. causing no distraction to other students.
There are two basic approaches towards meditation in Vippasana:
One is ‘Anapanasathi sutta’ focused on observing the breathing.
Second one is ‘Satipathana sutta’ focused on observing the sensations in the body.
We started with ‘Anapana’ and on day 4 transitioned to ‘Satipathana’. As we sat down for meditation.. the entire instructions came from a recorded audio version of S.N.Goenka..
Day 1 was smooth for me with not too many hurdles. We were told to focus on our breathing.. specifically on the area where the air touches the nostril during inhalation and exhalation. It was easy for me as I was already accustomed to that kind of practice.. But long hours of sitting was not all that easy.
For breakfast, lunch and dinner we were served very healthy vegetarian food with lots of vegetables and fruits and freshly cooked food. Old Vipasana students who came in as volunteers cooked food for us and rest of the time they joined us in meditation sessions.
Day 2.. We were again told to focus on the breathing.. and as suggested.. I was trying to maintain same posture with crossed legs and an upright back. Gradually as time passed, I started experiencing back pain which radiated into my right shoulder and neck. I already had a bit of problem there due to the nature of my IT job. I could have relaxed my body a little by changing my posture, but I was too focussed, so ignoring my pain, I turned my attention back to my breathing. The pain intensified to such an extent that I started feeling the black out and in a moment realized that I was about to lose my consciousness. I didn’t want to faint in the hall, so decided to go to my room and rest. Gathered enough strength to get up and walked few steps.. and then fainted.. in a few minutes when I regained my consciousness realized that I was lying down on the floor of the meditation hall close to the door. The manager offered me a glass of water and asked me to rest for a while.. The meditation teacher assured me that I was OK and it was not something unusual. Deep inside I was terrified by the experience especially thinking of my loving and wonderful husband who always gives me my space and freedom to pursue my interests. But by any chance if he receives a call informing him that I fainted, I knew for sure that he would be very upset with my decision to come here. And so by the end of day 2, I made up my mind not to take this session too seriously. I just wanted to make sure that I don’t faint again and from then on, as soon as I noticed any discomfort or pain, would change my posture slightly and relax myself.
Day 3.. I was back on track and enjoyed a quiet and blissful meditation.. My body was slowly getting used to long hours of sitting. It was amazing to notice some young girls still in their teens.. yet meditating for long hours motionlessly with an upright spine.. During leisure time, I enjoyed the quiet walks in the garden . The retreat was located at the foothill of the mountains, away from city noise and pollution. So could hardly hear anything except for the sounds of rustling leaves and foot steps.. It was like going back in time.. into past.. And as I quietly rested under the huge trees in the garden, would think of Gautham Buddha.. may be it was like this during his time.. so quiet and serene.
Day 4.. the course of the meditation changed on day 4.. So far it was ‘Anapana’.. now moving onto ‘Satipathana’. We were told to focus on the sensations on and around the nose and above the mouth. And the recorded instructions were played too continuously on day 4 and I found it too distracting and couldn’t focus at all. I was very irritated and frustrated by evening. If it was going to be the same for the rest of the days, I would rather go home, than stay there I thought.. I almost decided to quit. But I had an obligation to inform my friend, so after evening session, when nobody was around called her aside and told that I decided to quit. She said ‘why don’t you wait a for day or two before you decide’ and I obliged to her. And later I felt very embarrassed at my impatience and reactive temperament. My impulsive decision to quit made me break my silence as well as my friend’s.
Day 5.. We were instructed to scan our body (a mental process done with closed eyes by simply moving our awareness from one part of the body to another) starting from top of the head to the tip of the toe gradually and slowly.. and then move back up. We were told that we may not notice any sensations in some parts of the body in the beginning. But as we continue the process of scanning from head to toe and toe to head.. we would gradually notice sensations everywhere in the body (sensation can be anything from a pleasant flow of energy or a itchy, creepy, crawling or a pulsating feeling or even pain and numbness.) And what they said was absolutely true. Soon I could notice that there isn’t even a centimeter in my body where there are no sensations. Just sitting still, it was amazing to notice all this sensations in my body for the first time in my life. And the nature of these sensations would vary with each scan.
In Goenka’s terms.. these sensations are a result of activity going on in every cell of our body. Millions of cells dying and millions regenerating every minute. There is not even single moment when our body remains still.. that is the nature of life.. ‘changing and changing’.. ‘Anithya… meaning.. Nothing is permanent’.
The essense of this practice is to become tuned to the transient and impermanent nature of our life.. be it emotions, sensations or feelings.. Be a silent witness without becoming attached to them as attachment is the cause of all suffering.
The first physical activity that is affected by a stimuli is our breathing pattern. A negative stimuli usually makes our breathing pattern irregular and shallow (eg: the stomach or diaphragm doesn’t move as we breath, notice it when upset). And with the pattern of the breathing, biochemical reactions in our body change at cellular level which we can experience as changed sensations in the body. So the practice of constant awareness of our sensations and energy flow in the body helps us to identify a problem at a budding stage and nip it off before it becomes a full blown stress simply by relaxing our breath and body. If we ensure that we are in such a state always, we remain centered even in the midst of turbulence and take the most effective decisions. After years of meditation practice if we still experience negative emotions, that is OK.. because we have accumulated layers and layers of deep rooted samskaras (emotional and behavioral patterns) over several births and life cycles and these layers don’t peel off all at a time.. they are structured to choose a time and situation to surface and reveal themselves. So we may wonder sometimes that how come we lost our balance all of a sudden. We don’t have to be upset that our meditation practice is not efficient, What is important is to become more and more vigilant and observe them more objectively without immediately reacting to them. And by detached observation, they lose their intensity on us. With passing time the intensity, frequency, and duration of these emotions gradually decrease and that is the real measure of progress. This explanation gave clear answers to my questions about my practice and provided me a new tool of observation to work with them.
Day 6.. During a break.. I was relaxing in my dormitory and my friend who was also there was trying to adjust temperature setting on A/C. Unexpectedly she made a gesture to me that the AC was not functioning and I spoke out just a single word unintentionally, not realizing that the girl relaxing in the next bed was paying attention to all this.
And back in the meditation hall.. I was thoroughly absorbed in deep meditation.
Everything was going on great until evening when the manager came to me saying that the meditation teacher wanted to see me. With mixed thoughts went to her and sat down infront of her.. She asked me gently.. ‘Did u break the golden rule of silence?’.. shocked for a moment.. I said ‘Yes Ma’m.. I had a problem, so discussed it with my friend’. She said smoothly.. ‘If you have any problem, please speak to me or the manager and do not repeat this again’ I nodded and went back to my meditation seat. You can obviously guess my situation.. lost focus on meditation as my mind was swarmed with thoughts:
who is that silly girl who reported it? I just spoke a single word today.. How can someone report for that? Or did some one hear me talk to my friend on day 4? If so, why would they report today? With all the thoughts.. felt very disturbed, confused and let down..
When I went to bed in the night, noticed that the bed beside me was empty. The girl and her luggage was missing and it became a bit obvious to me that it was her.. Where is she? Moved to another room because I am distracting her? I had a very disturbed sleep that night.
Day 7: In the morning, when I looked at my friend.. noticed that she too looked very disturbed. Lot of boiling emotions inside and silence made it even worse. So I decided to talk to her. Checked around and enquired her and she confirmed that she too was warned by the teacher. Both of us felt let down by the experience. We left our families.. Took leave from work to come here.. Sitting whole day in the hall and trying our best to focus.. Of course we broke the golden rule of silence.. But how dare they question us and treat us like kinder gardeners? (Right now my reaction seems funny to me.. but definitely not then ). Our ego was badly hurt. We considered for a moment whether we should stay or leave.. finally decided to stick on.. ‘just 3 more days.. why make a fuss..’ And soon enough, through another source we came to know that the girl who complained on us already left the meditation center and we were just a single item on her big list of complaints using which she left the place. In fact that girl is merely an instrument used by TRUTH to reveal itself.
I was called in by the meditation teacher again in the afternoon to enquire how I was doing. I told her about everything that was going on in my mind and that the program was very intense and the rules were too stringent.. I kept on talking until she suddenly interrupted me asking.. ’Why are you still rolling in those thoughts instead of focusing on meditation and being in the present moment?’ I got even more mad by the question and bluntly said to her.. ‘Ma’m.. you are pulling my strings..’
She took back for a moment and then said.. ‘Wait.. I don’t have any control on you.. it is you who is creating all those emotions inside your head.
This is what meditation is all about to learn to control your emotions and reactions and find your balance. Stressful situations do arise in life, but your peace of mind depends on how detached and observant you are of your negative emotions without being overtaken by them. Never become one with your emotion.. if you do, you react and the reactions multiply the effect. When an emotion is about to overtake you, be present and become highly aware, conscious and observant of your emotions and resulting sensations. Separate a part of yourself and witness your emotion and sensations in your body and the emotion then gradually loses its intensity on you setting you free. Remember that there is always a better and alternate way to respond. That is how you gradually become liberated from your habitual patterns of reactions (Samskaras) which are deep rooted in you. It took a bit of time for me to let her words sink in and understand how significant they were. Knowing helps but it is consistence practice that makes the difference.
Back in the meditation hall, my mind was clear and once again I was deeply absorbed in meditation.. with my eyes closed, mentally scanning my body from head to toe.. And toe to head.. what I was observing was truly astounding..
I could clearly hear and feel the thumping of my heart..
Could feel the pulsating sensations and the expansion and contracting movements of the organs inside my body. With continuous scanning I started sensing my entire body as a flow of spiraling energy in the form of minuscule sparkling particles. The flow is much smoother in some areas than others indicating the open and blocked areas of energy in my body. Even a subtle sound or a thought would bring all the sensations to a halt. So sensitive is our awareness to an external or an internal noise.. This entire experience is life changing to me..What a wonder machine human mind and body is.. And how many years of my life passed away without ever paying attention to the unceasing inner activity of my own body.
On the same day after lunch break, I was in the rest area of my dormitory when I heard some one screaming out loud.. By the time I went in, some other gals and manager already rushed into the dormitory. A terrified girl was standing on the railing of her bed with her hands bracing the window, screaming out loud as she found a tiny snake under her cot. The manager pleaded her with folded hands to calm down and gave her a helping hand to step down and took her out. The snake was still in the room and all the gals in the room broke their silence and started talking to each other about the incident. In few minutes, about 3 men walked in.. They were old students of Vipassana who came in to volunteer.. The gals were talking to them trying to show where the snake was..Without speaking a word or making an eye contact, they simply followed the commotion, went to the cot under which the snake was lying. One of them bent over and picked up the snake by its tail and wound it around his palm and all the three walked out as quietly as they walked in. We couldn’t ignore the stability of mind and single minded focus of those seasoned meditators.
Day 8 went on smoothly with not too many distractions except for one incident. I stepped out from the meditation hall few min before the evening meditation session was over to use the rest room. The manager followed me and asked me if I was OK and I answered ‘Yes..’ she smiled and left. I quickly realized that she tracked me down because I broke one more rule by leaving the hall before the session was complete. The manager was extremely observant and had a spy-eye on everyone as it was her duty to make sure that all students abide by the rules. There is no way you can skip a meditation session and step out or sleep in your room during the stipulated hours of meditation.
Day 9.. The deep meditations are blissful and am gaining new insights and experience into the working of my own mind and body. Yet I was very happy and excited that the meditation course was coming to a close. I was badly missing my family and the contact and freedom of the outside world.
Day 10.. After morning meditation and a speech of Goenka.. around 10AM we were officially done with our period of silence and were free to talk to one another. Never in my life did I feel so liberated.. Talked to my friend who was in tears deeply touched by S.N.Goenka’s words. All the girls talked endlessly to each other after 10 days of silence, everybody was pouring out their hearts about what they felt and experienced. One girl said she found it difficult to stay so long… while another one said she had miraculous out of body experience. Most of them had positive reviews though. And we attended two more meditation sessions in the afternoon and evening.
On the morning of day 11.. the conclusion speech of S.N.Goenka was deeply touching and motivating. He talked about the motive behind this course and how sticking to a daily and consistent practice makes all the difference in life. After the speech, we were served a delicious breakfast. We packed our luggage, signed in our contributions and amidst warm hugs and wishes, bid farewell to each other.
It’s been almost an year and half since I attended 10 day Vipassana and whenever I and my friend talk about it, we thank ourselves for not quitting it in the middle as we would have missed a valuable and once in a life time experience. Meditation was not new for me but this course has taught me to be in more tune with my body and sensations as much as possible and thus cultivate more present moment consciousness.
When it comes to sitting meditation, I still stick to my old practice(Anapana) where I simply notice my breathing. Infact it is the most simple and easy approach and the most suggested method.
Few tips for sitting meditation practice:
*Few minutes of stretching or Yoga and Pranayama before meditation settles down the mind and body and prepares us for deep meditation.
*Choosing same place, time and duration every day makes the practice more consistent.
*As you sit for meditation, just have a notion that you are surrendering to and connecting with your deepest and the highest self and with every breath, you take in the positive energy and release the negative energy.
*Let go of your thoughts as you pay attention to breathing.
*If you find it helpful, you may inwardly use a word or mantra that goes with breathing.
*Sometimes the experience may be blissful and sometimes unpleasant.
*Neither cling onto or crave for a pleasant sensation nor detest unpleasant sensations.
*Just observe moment and the sensation as it is and divert attention back to breathing.
*Practice it at least twice a day in the morning and evening (min 10 minutes is good to start with and you may slowly increase time)
*Gradually you can add more of 2-3 minute meditations through out the day.. simply observing your natural breath and sensations and relaxing yourself.
The mechanism of breathing meditation:
As we pay attention to breathing , it becomes deep and relaxed regulating the process of respiration and circulation, the key processes which impact rest of the body functions. So a deep meditation instantly settles down the mind and body and relaxes us. A regular practice hence makes a big difference in our physical health. An anxious thought or a worry nagging us vanishes without a trace by the end of meditation. It clears off all unnecessary thoughts and impressions created in the mind through out the day. All this is at a physical and physiological level.
And at a meta physical level..
It lets a healing and a universal energy enter into us..
Am sure that most of us believe that there is an invisible force and an infinite intelligence beyond our finite physical existence.
Even if you do not, assume and try it atleast for a short period of time and attempt meditation practice and with out any doubt, you will know that this force is much more real and magnificient than you ever imagined.
And once you start aligning your intentions and desires with that of this universal force,
accomplishing them becomes much more easier and life becomes much more joyful.
It offers hope and strength in all situations, an action plan when we are stuck up and a simple solution to even a most complicated problem and a transformation in the way we see the world and connect with it.
Satipathana Sutta: Though I preffer Anapana for my sitting meditation, rest of the day I try to follow combination of ‘Anapana’ as well as ‘Satipathana’ by paying attention to breathing and sensations in the body. (‘Mindfulness meditation’)
Pay attention to sensations in the feet as I walk.
Feel the water on my hands as I wash.
Feel the food and the sensations in the mouth as I chew.
Feel the warmth of the sun, touch of the air on the skin.
Become aware of changes in my emotions and breathing with changing situations.
This practice roots us in the present moment, reduces unnecessary mental chatter and helps us give undivided attention to whatever we do. It is not an easy task as attention wanders away like a fleeting monkey as soon as it gets a chance, but keep trying to grab it back to the source, to the present moment and you will really start enjoying it as it is a lot of fun.
Though I haven’t perfected in it yet, the observation gave me a lot of insights.. how my breathing, emotions and sensations are affected not just by what I think, hear or say or do, but by the quality of the food I eat, quality of my sleep and quality of my rest and lack of enough movement too. The worst offender is lack of enough sleep, which makes my breath shallow and my focus and attention very weak and makes me very cranky. Emotions and sensations also serve an important purpose by giving clues about bigger and long term changes we have to make in our life rather than resorting to short term reactions or delving in negative emotions.
Meditation is a life time practice and it enhances the level of our consciousness which permeates into every aspect of our life: the quality of our thought process, our goals, our work and our relationships.
It is a solution to many of the present day problems: stress, anger, worry, anxiety, lack of focus and stability, and negative emotional patterns or reactions. Even if you think you are free of all negativity, it still helps you by giving you greater clarity of your life’s purpose by connecting you with your deepest and highest self and more peace and joy.
I always wished I learned and practiced it much earlier in my life. Few months ago when I visited my school after 25 years, was delighted to see that the students were instructed and practicing a silent meditation 4 times a day for 5min each. The best gift that a child can be given. If every child is taught to meditate at an early age, they grow up as much more focused, stable and confident adults and find their source of strength and counsel inside themselves. And its never too late for adults to start practicing it.Just like brushing teeth and eating breakfast, lets imbibe this valuable practice of meditation into our daily routines. Consistent practice and Patience is the key, not expecting wonders to happen in a day, but if we stick to it, we will for sure see miracles.
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If you haven’t explored the idea of meditation or practiced it ever before, please read and listen about it more and more. Experiment and explore. Here is a U-tube link to Goenka’s 10 day enlightening speeches: S.N.Goenka 10 day Vipassana video series
From Anu 